so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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