the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
