It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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