My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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