Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
