And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
