I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
