Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Randomize
