there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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