we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
