He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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