You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
