Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
