just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
