I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
