The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize