hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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