saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
