office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have tasted many bathrooms
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
