why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
