girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
