Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
