remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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