I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
