You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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