Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
