You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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