He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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