There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
