Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
