i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
