There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
