She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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