So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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