i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
