yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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