Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
