i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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