mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We had sex on a dog bed..
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
