we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
