I'm sorry my penis didn't work
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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