i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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