So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
