And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
