Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
