Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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