I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
