Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
