alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
