She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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