I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
porn star boner night. come get it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
