Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You are the jesus of drinking
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
