Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
