So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My vagina is very pro this idea
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
