No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
