I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
