My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
