Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Pants are for mortals
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
