you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
