my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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