you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
