I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
