I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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