Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
