yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
