Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
