so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
