Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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