dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
