I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
