At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
