I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Found the puke drawer
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
