I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
