She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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