You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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