then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
