She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize