he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
