So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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