I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize