We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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