my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
