so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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